what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
