Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
