omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
