Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
