I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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