I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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