Tell her she can't have a vagina
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
