I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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