We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
