MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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