I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize