and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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