I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
