You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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