Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
