Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
