I hope mine doesn't look like that
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
