Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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