i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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