dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
