i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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