actually, I'm a sock model
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
