Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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