I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize