i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He shit in the fireplace
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
