I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
