thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
