If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
