Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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