Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
