yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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