there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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