Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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