shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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