Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
