so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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