i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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