I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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