Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize