I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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