Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Four minutes until I can fart!
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
