I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
No more Irish car bombs ever.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
