Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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