For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
