I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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