Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I need to calm my uterus...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
