sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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