New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
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