you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
