my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
