then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
