On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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