I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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