Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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