She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
