so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
