omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
