I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
