Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
