Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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