She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
