Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
