its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
