Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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