Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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