the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
