Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
