I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
