So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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