walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
These tits shall not be calmed
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
