Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
