he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
