you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
