I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
