Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
