how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
It's just like the Real World with babies
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
