In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
