Someone shit on the floor
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
