Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize