I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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